Last year I went on a journey of transformational self-care. Several years before I had a realization that I almost always put other people's to do's, wants, needs ahead of my own. In fact I realized I was really disconnected from even knowing what my own needs were. So much so that I often didn't even realize I was holding in pee because I was tending to someone or something else that I saw as more important! I know I am not the only women or mom out there to do that! I love to give, I love being a mom, I love being a wife and I love working. I thought that in order to do all of those things "perfectly" I had to give and give and give. The deeper issue there was that I was feeling my worthiness in what I was doing and showing up for people, rather than knowing that I am enough without doing or being but because we all are. Then my body started to shout out to me that my pace and lack of attention to myself wasn't working and I realized that I had to shift.
2017 was all about transformational self-care; taking care of myself in a way that truly transformed my relationship to giving, receiving and to myself. When I went about this journey I knew that it couldn't be just about adding things to my to do list, even if that was an exercise class I would love. I knew that adding more things would actually stress me out more and I wouldn't be able to sustain them. I am a deep person and so I had to go deep. Transformational self-care was about finding ways to bring self-care to all that I already do and take things out of my life that weren't serving my self and/or others. It was about being brave enough to say no as a way to say yes.
We are now one quarter through 2018...what?!?! It has taken some time to reflect on the changes that were brought about last year. A few weeks ago I spent a weekend alone and I realized what A LONG way I have come. That changes that came about lasted and it was because I was intentional, connected and loving to myself even when I wanted to run away from what I saw. It didn't require more money, more time, more things I didn't have! It was about making small changes that last.
This year my word is openhearted presence. My focus is on self-love.
Yes, it is a part of what I was working on last year but this year I am working on deepening that openness to myself, especially when things get gritty and I want to shut down. In my experience whenever I commit to working on something it shows up everywhere and sometimes I think to myself, "Am I really up for this"? Being brave, vulnerable and opening up, instead of shutting down when your stuff is brought up, is hard when you have been someone who shuts down, shuts up and then internalizes. I have been working on opening, vulnerability, and communication for years with others but this year it is time to turn that around on me. As always I want to share what I am working on, learning and finding along the journey with you all. I know that much of what I am working on applies to so many of us.
So....introducing the self-love embrace.
I am offering guidance, thoughts, and tools for the rest of 2018 via short videos and embrace activities in your inbox every Monday evening starting on 4/23.